Need
by Spacefille
Summary: After his unexpected resurrection, 5 struggles with nightmares and his overwhelming need for 9...
1. Part 1

Need

Part One

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It was cold. And wet. Five returned to consciousness with agonizing slowness.

When mind caught up with his body, he sat up with a gasp, a word - "Run!" - dying on his lips.

He sat there, panting, and then turned confused eyes to the sky. Rain. Lots of it. He held out a hand, catching the rain drops in his mechanical palm. Memories came back to him, faded and fuzzy. He died? He looked around quickly, trying to spot the Brain but it was nowhere to be found. He must have... he reached up and touched the patch where his eye had been. Burnt pieces of leather met his fingers.

Oh. OH.

Shivering he climbed to his feet. "Nine?" he called out. "Six? Seven? Three, Four?" No one answered him, all he could hear was the rain coming down harder. "I hate being aloneee," he said finally to himself, shivering harder.

He had to move on, find shelter. That he knew deep inside, without having to be told. If he remained put, he'd rust.

Where would he have gone if he was Nine? He thought, or tried to, turning the possibilities over in his mind. The sanctuary was out, the building burnt to the ground. The library? Maybe...

He found himself walking back towards the first house, the one that he had awoke in. Every step he took was a struggle as the winds threatened to knock him down. He finally fell against the side of a shell of a giant metal device the humans had made and hunkered down, waiting for the storm to pass.

.

When he awoke he was warm and dry. Blinking, Five tried to sit up, only to be gently pushed back down. He stared. It was Nine.

Nine!

"Hey," the other said softly, smiling down at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Nine!" he exclaimed, a grin splitting his face. "I - I'm okay..." he was. He lifted his hands and stared at them. "What happened? Where are we?"

Nine helped him up slowly. "Seven found you out in the emptiness while on patrol. You moved... so we brought you here." Nine looked concerned. At the same time they suddenly had visitors, Three and Four came scampering into the room and blinked all over Five.

Seven was last, poked her head into the room and broke into a wide smile when she saw Five. "You're awake," she said. "Are you okay?"

"I – I don't..." Five looked down at Three, who was tugging at his arm, and exploring his face with his other hand. When Three's hand pushed against the patch, Five realized again that the socket was exposed and empty again. He'd have to fix it...

Nine continued, stepping back a bit to let Seven give him a hug. Five instantly felt a sense of loss... he wanted to reach out to Nine and touch him. "It's incredible you're alive again Five... I saw you die," Nine looked confused, the pensive expression on his face returning like it did when they had gone up against the Machine. "We all did. What do you remember?"

Five shook his head as Seven stepped back again. Now he reached out and Nine returned, placing his hands on his shoulder. Five basked in the warmth of his touch before speaking. "I remember dying, and being trapped... and that Nine let me go. I remember floating away and then I woke up back inside my body... it was raining," he looked up at Nine. "Do you think it had something to do with the rain?"

"Maybe," Seven and Nine exchanged significant looks. "If Five is still alive, then maybe the others..."

Nine shook his head. "One and Six... maybe. But Two and Eight..." at the mention of Two's name Five made a little jerk and Nine squeezed his shoulder sympathetically.

Seven nodded. "We'll go searching tomorrow," she made a face, then sighed. "Though I won't be too thrilled to have One back," she admitted.

"There is nothing to fear anymore," Nine pointed out gently. "He'll realize that eventually." She nodded in agreement, and held out her arms for the twins. They ran to her and they made to leave the room. Nine did as well, but Five caught his arm.

"Wait," he said quickly. "Don't..." Nine turned back around, concern on his face.

"What is it?" he asked. They were alone again now, but Five didn't loosen his grip...

"Please," he said finally. "Don't leave me alone..."

Nine looked puzzled for a moment, reaching down and patting his hand. "I won't be far. You're safe now." Five felt a horrible sense of loss and slowly removed trembling fingers from Nine's arm. He was going to leave anyway...

Right before he did, Nine leaned in close. "I'll be back, I promise," he whispered. "Okay?"

Five merely nodded and shut his only eye.

.

He couldn't sleep, tossing and turning on the makeshift bed they had made for him. His dreams flitted in and out of nightmares... he was running and running and couldn't run fast enough and it was going to catch him, and then it did and he screamed in fear as pain ripped through him...

The dream switched on him to Nine. He was being held by Nine and Nine was telling him that it was okay now, and he nearly sobbed in relief as Nine held him in his arms and stroked his sides. Nine kept touching him, all over, then reaching around his front to undo his buttons, pulling the burlap aside. He was exposed, laid out on the blankets. All he felt was warmth and love as Nine undid his own zipper and laid on top of him, hands clasping his own, pressing his mouth against his. Nine began to rub and then it felt good, very good, too good and Five's eye widened as Nine began to glow, all of him, and suddenly he was back inside the machine, the glow overwhelming him and he screamed again in terror...

He jerked awake with a start, only to be staring into twin sets of concerned eyes, Nine and Seven.

"N-nightmare," he stuttered out, his voice breaking. He was shaking, he realized. He couldn't stop seem to stop...

"It's okay Five," Seven said, placing her hands on his shoulder reassuringly. "We killed the Machine, remember? And the Beast. Nothing will hurt you now..."

Nine nodded in agreement, a worried frown on his face.

"I know that!" Five replied, trying to sound convincing and falling very short, even in his own ears. "I know. I just... can't stop thinking about it." He grabbed Nine's sleeve suddenly. "Why am I even here?" he asked beseechingly. "I shouldn't _be_ here."

"But you are Five," Seven continued, looking upset. "And we're glad to have you back. I'm sure there's a reason..."

Five barely looked at her. "No," he said quickly, shaking his head. "No, it'll come back, it always comes back, and it'll take me again, I know, I know-" he trailed off, breathing rapidly and screwed his one eye shut. He was babbling. Heck, he sounded like Six...

Nine exchanged very significant looks with Seven.

"I'll stay with him," he said quietly. She hesitated, and then nodded slowly. She gave Five one last worried look before leaving the room.

The moment she was gone Nine crawled into the bed and laid next to Five, wrapping his arms around the scared stitchpunk.

Five clung to him. "Sorry," he apologized, feeling more than a bit sheepish. "I – I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop thinking, you know? I mean I know I'm safe now and all that, I just..."

"Its alright Five, I understand," Nine sounded gentle as he held him and Five fell silent and drew closer. He wasn't sure if Nine did understand. He didn't want Nine to ever stop touching or holding him. He wanted to feel the closeness he felt briefly in his dream, before it went bad... he shuddered despite himself.

"Don't leave me alone," he said finally, repeating what he had asked earlier.

Nine shook his head. "I won't," he said.

Five stared at him. "Promise?" he asked. Five mentally winced at his voice. He definitely sounded broken. Crazy. He wondered if Six ever felt ashamed...

But all Nine did was give him a kind smile and began to rub his back reassuringly. "Promise," he said firmly.

The touch was what did it. Five relaxed by degrees, his heavy breathing and panic slowly fading. Soon he was able to fall into a light but dreamless sleep, secure in the warmth of Nine's embrace.

.


	2. Part 2

**Author's Note**: This part is dedicated to Population1-13th, for reminding me this fanfic exists. Thank you!

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Part 2

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When Five woke up again it was morning and light was streaming in from a high up window in the damaged room. Five sat up and rubbed at his good eye, then turned his head to look down beside himself. Nine slept peacefully on his back, eyes rotated closed.

Five reached down with a bit of wonder and touched the side of his friend's face. Nine shifted but didn't wake up, so Five continued, caressing down the side of his face, and finally to his shoulders, to where his makeshift stitches stood out on Nine's shoulder. He remembered he had given them to Nine, but the memory was old and faded, as if far away in time.

He shook his head slightly and continued. Over, to his zipper, and Nine shifted again but didn't wake as Five trailed his fingers down the closed teeth. It was when his fingers were about half way to the bottom that he realized that Nine was glowing. It was very faint, but it was there, and it was coming from inside of him...

Fear twinned with curiosity as his breath caught. "No..." he whispered. He reached out, tugging the zipper down. He only got a couple teeth undone when Nine awoke.

The other looked up at him confused, raising a hand to lay it over Five's. "Five, what?" he asked sleepily. Nine sat up slightly. "What is it?"

"I - you... you're the Machine!" Five blurted, yanking the zipper down the rest of the way. He blinked. Nothing.

Nothing was there. Just the inner clogs and workings of Nine. No light, no nothing.

He drew back from Nine in fright.

For his part, Nine looked terribly confused. He sat up all the way, giving Five a worried look. "Five, the Machine is gone..." he began.

Five shook his head vigorously. "I know. I know it's gone, but you glowed! Like the machine! Like my dream..." he fell silent.

Nine looked puzzled. "Dream?" he asked. "You mean last night?" He reached out to Five, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What did you dream?"

This time Five jerked away. "I don't know," he said quickly. He got to his feet and started to pace. "You- you touched me... it felt good," he felt as if his cheeks were burning with embarrassment. "It felt good and you glowed and – and then you glowed too much and turned into the Machine, and... and..." he stepped away quickly. He shook his head, as if to clear it, and then shook his head again.

"Five!" Nine took him by the arms. "Five, stop..." he said. He stared at the other. "I'm not the Machine," he said very firmly. He picked up Five's hand and pressed it against his own cheek. "Promise," he said. "I'm your friend."

"I know! I know!" Five shook his head again. His hand wandered as he watched it, curving down the side of Nine's cheek, neck, finally settling on a shoulder. "I'm... heh," Five cleared his throat quickly. "I'm crazy aren't I?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Nine smiled and let out a little laugh. "Hardly," he said. He patted Five's arm. "You've been through a lot," he said. "We all have. But you've been through more. It'll be okay Five, just give it a couple days and you'll be just like before."

Before.

There was something about the way Nine spoke, he was able to convince them all that what he said was true. But... somehow, Five knew it wasn't true. He wasn't going to be okay.

It was possible he wasn't ever going to be okay again.

He numbly nodded in agreement and gave Nine his best reassuring smile.

.

Seven found One.

She brought him home that evening, limping, grumbling, holding his broken hand to his chest buckles. Five stared at him as Nine took him aside and talked to him. Nine told him everything – how they were safe now, and that the Machine was dead, and that the rain had brought him and Five back. One didn't believe him, Five could tell by the way his eyes narrowed and swept over them all and hmphed at Nines words. Five heard him mutter a response, something along the lines of "we'll never be safe".

Seven didn't even stick around to see if One settled in. She was gone, along with the twins, off to explore without having to deal with the old sour puss.

Five wished he could leave. But, like since that morning, like ever since he woke up, he couldn't leave Nine's side. He was afraid, deathly afraid that if he left he'd die again. So he hovered, hands wringing, agitated, at the edge of Nine's vision, shadowing his every move.

If Nine minded, he didn't say anything. He just continued on as usual. Which included getting into an argument with One, which ended up with the old man stalking out of their adopted home and into the twilight, supposedly to find better accommodations.

"Don't listen to him," Five said helpfully as Nine sighed and gave him a weary look. He was repeating Nine's words about One from before, a fact that Nine recognized. The other gave Five a slight smile.

"I don't intend to," Nine replied. His expression melted into a frown. "Though it would be nice if we could work together to rebuild..."

Five nodded. "He'll come around," he offered. "H-he has to. I mean, who else does he have?"

Nine silently agreed.

.

Five dreaded the thought of sleeping that night. They had all set up nests, places to sleep around their new home, and Five's was in the secluded room he had woken up in. He loathed to go back in there and paced when Nine went to bed in his own place. Five walked the floors of the old house, trying to settle down. He tried to pick up some old habits, fiddle with some equipment he found laying around, but nothing seemed to help him grow tired, let alone sleep.

He finally dropped a thimble he picked up when he realized he was shaking. Again. Letting out a soft groan, Five sunk to his knees.

He needed Nine.

Quietly as could be, he snuck back to where Nine lay curled on his side among scraps of cloths. He was alone. And he was...

Glowing. Again.

Faintly, but it was there. Five gulped and crept forwards, reaching out. He touched the burlap and flinched ever so slightly as the glow increased. He couldn't look away. Couldn't look away until he looked down at himself and realized.

He was glowing too.

No...

Five stared and reached down with trembling hands to touch his stomach. No... his hands dug in. NO, no, no, no, no, NO!

He hadn't realized he was talking - screaming - out loud, when Nine grabbed his hands, yanking them away from himself.

"Stop!" Nine said. "Five! Stop, you'll tear yourself!"

He tried to jerk away, but Nine held on fast. "Its okay! You're okay! Stop!" Somehow in the process of the struggle, Nine ended up on top of Five, pinning him.

Five came back to himself in degrees. When he stopped panicking he found himself staring up into Nine's very concerned eyes.

Five let out a small sob even as he gave in and sank back into reality. He relaxed, his hands unclenching, arms going limp from where Nine had his wrists pinned and held away from his body. The look on Nine's face turned back into one of intense concern. "Five," he said finally, leaning down so his face was close to his own. He let go of Five's wrists to cup his face. "Five, what happened?"

He couldn't speak. His voice died in his throat and he swallowed past a lump that had formed there. He slowly sat up, taking Nine with him, and wasn't at all surprised to see that the glow wasn't there anymore.

He shook his head and looked away. "I don't know," he said tonelessly.

Nine drew in a breath, and let it in a sigh. "Maybe," he began slowly, pensively. "Maybe the machine did something to you," he reluctantly gave voice to something he hadn't want to say. He reached out and touched the side of Five's head gently. "Up here," he said.

Five managed a tight smile and nodded. "Probably," he agreed. Now he couldn't meet Nine's gaze and studied the wall, floor... anywhere but look at Nine. "I'll go," he added, getting to his feet.

"Five..." Nine began. He reached out and took his arm. "Stay," Nine said gently, tugging him back down towards him.

Five tried to resist, briefly, but gave up. Nine wouldn't let him go anyway.

Five figured it was because of his freak out. Nine probably felt that if the price of leaving Five unattended was Five flipping out, it would be best to stay with him.

As Nine curled against him, just like the night before, Five's mind whirled. He felt guilty. He shouldn't be like this. He had never been like this before...

Before, when he could actually do things. He could fix things, granted not as good as Two, but good enough. He had only been awake now for less than two days, and the entire time he had spent being an absolute wreck.

Nine was right. It _was _probably the machine. It messed him up when it took him out of his body. He felt an aching sense of loss and shut his one eye. He had to fix himself somehow... but how?

.

Three days later and Five was no closer to figuring himself out than he had the nights before. He existed as Nine's shadow, drifting through the house, following his every move as Nine and Seven and the twins worked on making the home more liveable for people as "big" as they were. He still got anxious when Nine wasn't around, a fact that both Nine and Seven picked up on. Seven had begun giving him long, sad looks, and Nine just looked pensive.

He wished Nine would figure out some way to fix him, because he was at a loss.

To make things worse, the dreams came back every night. Thankfully the Machine did not, but the dreams... of Nine, touching him - and the glow that made him feel so good - had him waking up with a horrible ache in his chest, despite his fear.

He didn't tell Nine about his continued dreams. He didn't want Nine to think that he was crazier than he already was.

Four days later he gave up.

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	3. Part 3

Part 3

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Nine was asleep when Five slipped out into the meagre pre-dawn light. He stood there for a bit to gather his wits about him before walking through the wilted brown of what used to be a lawn.

He made it all the way to the road when he stopped suddenly.

Something was moving towards him out of the fog.

Five's throat closed up and he pressed himself back against a fence post, trying to convince his legs to move. They wouldn't. He felt more terrified than when he had seen the Machine coming towards him out of the dust and smoke of the ruined factory...

The something paused briefly, and then kept on coming towards him. Finally, just as Five managed to start his legs up again and was going to make a run for it, he recognized the shape.

He nearly collapsed with relief.

The something was One.

"H-hey there!" he called out to him.

The old man paused again, and then continued to make his way towards him. Five watched him. One looked tired, but angry, his good hand gripping a piece of metal he was using as a cane. His eyes were narrowed. He stopped when he was in front of Five and glanced about to make sure they were alone before turning back to him.

One looked Five up and down. "So," he snorted. "They've cast you out as well, have they?"

That shocked him. "They didn't!" Five protested. "I left on my own."

One hmphed and leaned closer, glaring into Five's eye. Five found he couldn't hold his gaze... he never could before either. He looked away, shifting uncomfortably where he stood.

One made another noise of disdain and leaned back again. "You should understand by now," he said. "We're not wanted, Five," One made a hand motion with his ruined hand to the house behind Five. "We were meant to die, you and I, and the dead should stay dead."

That made Five look up at One, his eye wide. "Then why did we come back?" Five demanded to know. "There has to be some sort of reason."

One's smile was bitter. "There was a reason," he said tonelessly. "We're here to suffer."

Five looked at him. He wanted to protest, wanted to badly, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he was suffering. Had ever since he woke up, had every moment he was away from Nine. Like now.

"I need him," Five blurted out.

One actually looked surprised for a second, and then his eyes narrowed as he carefully looked Five over. Five began to shift about uncomfortably again, and then One unexpectedly threw back his head and laughed.

It was not a pleasant sound. One smiled when he finished his short burst of mirth. "Obviously," he said in an amused voice. "He does not need _you_."

Five stared at One for a long moment, and then slowly, carefully, sat down on the pavement. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, staring out into nothing.

Silence hung heavy in the air, until One broke it by sighing and sitting down next to him.

Five only half listened as One put down his cane and cleared his throat as if thinking of what to say. "My boy," he began slowly. "I am old. You are not." One reached out and touched his shoulder gingerly, as if touching him repulsed him. "The past is gone. The world is ours now. Do not waste it here. Go out there. Explore."

It was a dismissal if he had ever heard one. He didn't need to be asked twice.

Five dragged himself up from his misery enough to climb to his feet. He nodded. He drew himself up, and, without even a backwards glance, slowly walked away.

.

He didn't know where he was going, nor did he even really care. Where once he would have been looking about with curiosity, or at very least keeping track of where he was going, he focused on the ground in front of him and not much else.

He wasn't even sure how much time had past. He guessed it was closer to noon because it had become slightly brighter outside, or at least on the ground in front of him had become brighter. He paused briefly to study the sky with his one eye, the kept on walking.

He felt like he was on auto pilot. His mind was not however, constantly circling the same thoughts... and coming to the same conclusions, answering his own questions as fast as they came.

Why did he leave? It was better this way. Where was he going? Away. Away, where? Anywhere Nine wasn't... right now all that mattered was getting as far away from Nine as possible, no matter how much it hurt.

He stopped, quite suddenly some time later, when his foot gave out in front of him on a rotten piece of wood, and he nearly fell down into darkness. He scrambled to his feet again and blinked. The darkness extended in both directions as far as his eyes could see... the wood under his foot was an old plank from what used to be a bridge.

The ravine. He had made it to the old factory.

Well, at least he knew where he was now. He considered for a moment, and then sat down, peering over the edge.

Six was down there. Nine had told him the artist had fallen down the ravine after he had died.

He wondered if Six was still alive. Seven and Nine had debated that as well... would the fall have broken Six apart?

Five shifted and tried to peer harder... to catch a glimpse of some sort of bottom to the ravine. "Six?" he called out. "Hey Six!" His voice echoed back to him.

The air was heavy and soundless, and he imagined he would have heard Six's mutterings if the other was still alive. The days before Seven and Nine had discussed coming back here and trying to climb down somehow, but both has agreed that a quick rescue would be impossible. They were too small, and they knew the ravine was much deeper than the church had been tall. Nine did mention trying to build a flying machine in the future... since they didn't eat or run out of energy they thought that Six would be able to survive at the bottom for some time until rescue could come.

He wondered, briefly, if he should join him. Five frowned pensively as he peered across the ravine, and then dismissed the thought as quickly as it had come. If getting his soul sucked up didn't kill him, he didn't think a plunge into an abyss would either.

Letting out a sad little sigh he turned away from the ravine and went back to walking.

.

When he stopped for the night he had no idea where he was. He suspected he was far out of the range of even the area he could have seen with his … their… telescope, had the telescope survived the destruction of their sanctuary. He started to pay more attention of his surroundings with the fading light of day, a bit of the old feeling of fascination coming back to him and he watched the world change as he walked. The battered houses thinned and became less frequent, though the road he walked on was still littered with the distorted remains of metal machines. Those he couldn't see very well as light gave out to darkness, leaving him in deepening twilight. His steps became less and less sure and finally he stopped.

He slumped down against the side of a broken human machine. Shivering he curled up on his side. He shut his eye and tried to sleep.

That was an exercise in futility. There was something missing.

He knew what it was.

He was alone. He hated being alone. Now it HURT to be alone. He curled up into a tight ball, drawing in a quick breath.

'Nonsense!' as One would say. He could do this... he _could_...

He had to be strong. He had to learn how to live without the others… to be alone. One was right; he was not wanted or needed. Heck, Nine had his perfect group back there at the house. Seven would protect them, Three and Four knew everything they needed to know, and One...

He drew in a quick breath and let it out again. Why oh why didn't he ask One to come with him? No matter how hard One was to get along with, at least it was someone.

His breathing sped up as he began to rock… shutting his one eye quickly and letting out a keening whine. A sharp piercing ache had formed in his chest and he brought one of his hands up to it, clenching at a button. "Stop…" he muttered. "Stop, stop…"

The pain continued, growing sharper and more acute, and Five felt a heightening sense of despair. "I shouldn't have left," he gasped out in realization. Both hands were pressed against his chest now, and his lone eye was wide. He thought he was doing Nine a favour by leaving him, but he never ever thought it would feel like this.

Thinking about Nine made the pain worse. He would do anything for him, he realized. Anything… anything and right now, to have him touch him again… he groaned, shoving his hands as far into his chest as they would go, trying to stop the pain somehow. "Nine," he croaked out, trying to climb to his feet. He did and stumbled, pushing himself forwards in the dark, in the direction he had come. It would take forever but he had to try to go back. He had made a mistake. This was wrong…

He didn't make it very far. He didn't even see the human weapon or even know it was there until the thing fired under his feet. A moment later he was flying through the air, and the moment after that his world went blank.

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End file.
